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Becoming Kind

July 2025

Guided to Help

From my own experience as well as what others have told me, it seems that many of us occasionally receive an impulse to help another person in some way, then dismiss the feeling or talk ourselves out of it. This is more likely to happen if the other person is a stranger, or when the act of kindness that we’re inspired to take is outside our comfort zone. For example:

- “A girl next to me was crying while we were in a waiting room. My gut instinct was to ask her what was wrong, but I wasn’t comfortable starting a conversation with someone I didn’t know.”

- “I felt guided to put a $20 note in the hat of a homeless man on the street. I hesitated because no one else had given away that much, there were only coins in his hat.”

The more we suppress our inner guidance to give or connect with others in certain ways, the more we cut ourselves off from our natural empathy and intuition. We become more distant, which then begins to feel normal over time.

A psychology tutor once shared that she got onto a bus with the use of crutches following a physical injury, and no seats were available. She asked the class to guess how many people stood up to let her sit down. “A few?” “Two?” “Only one?” the students wondered. “Zero” she replied. She said that at one point on the journey, the driver slammed the brakes which caused her to fall over, crutches and all. Even then, no one came to her aid. This was shared in the context of explaining the bystander effect, which is the tendency we have not to assist someone in need if there are others around; the more people there are, the less chance that any one of us will offer our support.

Fortunately, all it usually takes is a single individual to reach out to help, to elicit more helpful behaviour from others close by.

An Act of Kindness During a Public Coughing Fit

I’ve experienced firsthand the powerful effect that an act of kindness from a stranger can have, amidst a zombie-like crowd. It was prompted by an embarrassing coughing fit. Have you ever suddenly felt a tickle in your throat, and a terrible urge to cough that nothing can alleviate – not water, not clearing your throat, or anything else – even when you’re feeling otherwise healthy? It’s as though it comes out of nowhere and once it passes, you feel fine. Sometimes it goes away on its own, and other times it leads to an attack of involuntary coughing. I’ve heard of several occasions when this has happened to friends or family members, so it seems to be a common enough experience, but the worst and funniest stories (if you have a dark sense of humour) are those relating to instances when it occurs in public.

Years ago, I felt that tickle in my throat as I entered a crowded bus. I braced myself and hoped for the best, while staying very still and breathing as slowly as possible. Then the urge to cough grew. I took out a bottle of water from my bag to take a sip, in a feeble attempt to delay the inevitable. As soon as I swallowed the water, it sent me over the edge.

One little stifled cough turned into a series of unladylike hacking sounds. No one moved, no one spoke, nor gave any other indication that anything was out of the ordinary. I don’t blame them – who would want to turn towards me and risk getting spluttered on? The coughs culminated into an awful loud retching noise – the kind you make just before vomiting – which must have horrified the other passengers, including the poor person seated next to me.

Then one woman turned around, diagonally opposite me, and asked, “Are you okay?” I managed to croak in a shaky voice, “I choked on my water.” She placed her hand on my shoulder and said, “It’s okay. You’re going to be okay.” It was as though her gesture had a magical effect. A sense of calm spread through my whole body, and the coughing completely stopped. She turned around to face the front again, then got off the bus soon afterwards, so I didn’t get a chance to thank her. Yet her compassionate gesture and words stuck with me, and I realised how meaningful another person’s kindness can be, no matter how minor the situation.

Becoming Kind

It's not only the rare, random acts of kindness we can aspire for. Simply staying in tune with our own caring nature can impact others more than we’ll ever know, without even trying.

I can remember catching an Uber ride home after a hard day. The driver was friendly as well as talkative, and we somehow got on to the topic of how he felt about traffic. He confided that he used to have a lot of road rage – swearing, honking at other drivers, being angry most of the time.

One day, he said there was a car in front that was slowing him down. He honked the horn and changed lanes to go up and glare at the driver. What he saw was a small older lady, who smiled at him and waved as she drove off and turned the corner. This led to a massive sense of shame: “I’m a big guy, how could I pick on a nice little old lady like that?” He decided on the spot to change his default stance of hostility to become more kind instead. He said the event occurred over two years prior, but it had changed his behaviour on the road and beyond ever since. He now feels mostly peaceful, no matter what happens in traffic or in life, and tries to keep a positive attitude towards others and assume the best about them. Despite my initial exhaustion and emotional flatness at the start of the journey, I felt relatively vibrant and joyful by the time he dropped me home. My interaction with him had been enormously uplifting just by him being his lovely self.

What acts of kindness have you recently felt inspired to take, if any? Could you take any of them now? Otherwise, is there anything you could try, to simply remain in touch with the kindest version of yourself, even if it involves no direct action at all?

Or if you don’t normally see yourself as being a kind person, could you choose to become one, and start to identify that way?

Wishing you a fantastic month ahead, full of kindness from others as well as from within.

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